This assignment asks you to apply material covered in chapter 13: Relationships with Friends.
Write approximately ½- ¾ page, double spaced about the following:1. Identify and describe a time (that you would be comfortable sharing for the purposes of this assignment) when you faced a challenge in a friendship, like a betrayal or geographic distance.
2. Explain how you addressed (or not address) the challenge. For example, did you attempt to discuss it using “I” language? Did one or both of you engage in avoidance behaviors? Did self-disclosure help maintain or repair the friendship?
Cite chapter 13 at least once and include slide number. You do not need an introduction or conclusion, but you do need a clear topic sentence to start each paragraph. (If it is only one paragraph, then you only need one topic sentence. This only needs to be ½ page)
Chapter 13: Relationships with Friends Chapter 13: Relationships with Friends Defining Friendship Friendships are “voluntary interpersonal relationships characterized by intimacy and liking” Friendship “delicate and deep” They are often more transitory than other close relationships; they change significantly over time But they are critical for emotional support and health They are some of the most important close relationships we have in our lives Key Characteristics of Friendship Friendship is voluntary, in that we choose our friends. Friendship is driven by shared interests You like similar things and activities Friendship is characterized by reciprocal self-disclosure You share things with one another Friendship is rooted in liking, in that we feel affection and respect for our friends. Friendship is volatile, in that friendships are less stable, more likely to change, and easier to end than family or romantic relationships, which have deeper emotional roots Functions of Friendships Friendship fulfills our need for companionship We do things together, provide/receive emotional support Help us achieve practical goals Deal with problems and tasks (ex: moving) They can overlap; friendships can be primarily one or the other, or they do both Functions of friendship Friendships focusing primarily on sharing time, activities, and emotional support are known as communal friendships. Friendships in which the parties focus primarily on helping each other achieve practical goals are known as agentic friendships. Friendships over a lifetime For many people 1. Family is most important in childhood 2. Then during teen years and young adulthood, friendship is more important, increased emotional attachment to friends 3. Later, many people have romantic partners and children of their own, and more emotional attachment and companionship is shifted back to family Friendship, culture, and gender In western culture, friendships are often thought of as functioning differently (communal-women vs agentic-men) based on gender But male and female same-gender friendships are more similar than they are different Friendship, culture, and gender Euro-American men, unlike women, tend to avoid direct expressions of affection with other males, owing to homophobia, traditional gender roles, and general reluctance to show emotion Western cultures tend to see friendship as more fluid and temporary than some other cultures, which view friendship as very deep and long lasting Communication and Technology Communication technologies have reshaped the way people create friendships Communication and Technology Friendships can be formed quickly and with more people Book says this doesn’t mean they are all your real friends. That’s true, but also “real” relationships can be formed online Communication and Technology Technology can help people form friendships they wouldn’t be able to form offline For example: Chronic shyness, anxiety, depression, limited mobility, chronic illness These are all things that can limit one’s ability to form offline friendships Book says people continue to recognize the superiority of offline relationships and communication We might think about online and in-person interactions as all part of a larger social network instead of being inferior or superior Types of Friendships Types of Friendships: Close Friends There are many types of friendships that populate our lives. Close friends Share deeply personal information and many shared interests Enjoy shared activities, feel comfortable and at ease with them Think for a moment How many close friends do you have? Most people have avg of 4 Types of Friendships: Best Friends a close friend with whom you talk even more frequently, disclose more, and to whom you have greater commitment More likely to be same sex but not always More likely to do things together Join clubs, be roommates, vacation together Types of Friendships: Best Friends Best friends share five distinguishing factors. 1. They are typically same-sex rather than cross-sex. 2. There is greater intimacy, more disclosure, and deeper commitment. 3. They listen to each other’s problems without judgment. 4. They engage in shared activities. 5. Provide unwavering identity support, conveying an understanding, acceptance, and support for a friend’s valued social identities.* a. Valued social identities are the aspects of your public self that you deem most important in defining who you are *most important Example What kind of friendship is this? What elements of friendship do you see present? Grey’s anatomy 2x01 “you’re my person” 17 Example of Best Friendship The clip appears to show best friendship We can see: Disclosure, commitment (being one another’s emergency contact), and lack of judgment Grey’s anatomy 2x01 “you’re my person” 18 Types of Friendships: Cross Category Friendships Cross-Category Friendships Cross-sex* friendships Cross-Sex/Gender Cross-orientation* friendships -We will discuss this terminology Intercultural friendships Interethnic friendships Cross-sex/gender friendships increased in the US over the past several years. Most are not motivated by sexual attraction. People face several challenges in building platonic (nonsexual) cross-sex friendships. Cross-sex/gender friendships We teach kids to segregate themselves by gender, That limits opportunities to build cross-sex friendships. American culture (and most other cultures) promotes same-sex friendships and cross-sex coupling as the most acceptable relationships That can result in pressure from family and friends to abandon the friendship or convert it to a romance. Cross-orientation friendships Book definition: Cross-orientation friendships are those between lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans*, or queer (LGBTQ) people and straight people Implied in this definition is that all straight people are cisgendered (which is not true) The terminology here is a bit… off They are including trans people here as though being trans is a sexual orientation As we learned in chapter 6, gender identity and sexual orientation are two different things Cross-orientation friendships A person is cisgender when they identify with the gender they were assigned at birth Someone is trans when they transition from the sex they were assigned at birth But a trans woman is a woman, and can absolutely be straight. So if she is with a straight man, then they are two straight people. However, the book is right that such a friendship will likely have different dynamics than if both people were cis, because life experiences affect our interpersonal relationships and how we experience the world! Cross Orientation Forming a cross-orientation friendship can help correct negative stereotypes. For LGBTQ persons, having a straight friend can sometimes provide emotional and social support. It can also sometimes be difficult to navigate. Due to homophobia, cross-orientation friendships do not occur as frequently in real life as in movies and television shows. Straight men comprise the group least likely to form cross-orientation friendships. Intercultural friendships Intercultural friendships involve people from different cultures or countries. Differences in language, cultural beliefs, and negative stereotypes can be challenging for intercultural friendships. Finding and bolstering ingroup similarities (e.g., sharing tastes in music) can help overcome these challenges. Interethnic friendships Bonds between people who share the same cultural background but who are of different ethnic groups. Such friendships boost cultural awareness and commitment to diversity. Also it means you have more people you can be friends with “Political correctness” can be a barrier to initiating such friendship I think what the book means here is that people who haven’t been exposed to much diversity in their lives but who also don’t want to offend others, may find that they do not have strong communication skills when interacting with people who are not like them Because communication skills take practice Cross-category friendship example Sex Education, S1E2, 13:00-14:20 + S1E3 47:15-48:05 For context, this is a “cross-category” friendship in multiple ways The two young men, named Eric (the young Black man in all orange) and Otis (the young white man who does not want to dance in the first clip) have been friendship since childhood Eric is gay, and Otis is straight Eric is often gender nonconforming in his style of dress They are obviously of two different races/ethnicities, but additionally, though they are both supposed to have grown up in England, they have different cultural/immigrant backgrounds. Otis’s parents are from: England and the United States Eric’s parents are from: Ghana and Nigeria Do you see anything being portrayed in these scenes that feels unusual for television? Cross-category friendship example, part 1 Cross-category friendship example, part 2 Video on next slide Take note of the nonverbal communication, in particular. For example, even though there is arguably some lack of disclosure, they sit comfortably close together, on the bed, playing video games communicating casual, friendly intimacy of a type not often seen between men in media Then they seem to pick up an ongoing conversation about video games They engage in shared activities regularly Cross-category friendship example, part 2 (video) Cross category friendships + Challenges The authors are a bit out of date at times But what is absolutely, 100% worthwhile, is this: You can’t do step #5 of best friendship if you can’t acknowledge, and work through differences in life experience “Provide unwavering identity support, conveying an understanding, acceptance, and support for a friend’s valued social identities” Cross category friendships + Challenges The authors take the time to talk about cross category friendship because Pretending to be “colorblind” if you are white and friends with someone who isn’t white, or saying “I don’t notice” if you’re straight and friends with someone is LGBTQ, can serve to erase a huge portion of someone’s life experience Instead of pretending your differences don’t exist the authors are offering you communicative strategies for being honest with your friends about hard topics And ways to work through challenges that are likely to come up at some point Friendship Rules General principles that prescribe appropriate communication and behavior within friendship relationships: 1. Show support. 2. Seek support. 3. Respect privacy. 4. Keep confidences. 5. Defend your friends. 6. Avoid public criticism. 7. Make your friends happy. 8. Manage jealousy. 9. Share humor. 10. Maintain equity. 10 Friendship Rules Briefly look through all 10 “rules” and consider re-ordering them rules, from most to least important (to you) Can you explain what rule is the most important to you and the least important, and why Take 3-4 minutes Successful friendships Successful friendships involve: Sharing hobbies, interests, and leisure activities together arranging your schedules to make this happen Engaging in ethical, reciprocal self-disclosure of thoughts, feelings, and daily life events Friendship maintenance and challenges Challenges and Maintenance: Betrayal Betrayal is the most commonly reported reason for ending a friendship. Acts of friendship betrayal include breaking confidences, backstabbing, spreading rumors or gossip, and lying. Friendship betrayal often leads to an overwhelming sense of relationship devaluation. Some friendships can be repaired after a betrayal, but some will end Challenges and Maintenance: Geographic Separation Geographic separation Separation prevents both communal and agentic friends from adequately satisfying the needs that form the foundation of their relationship. Long-distance friendships are more likely to survive when the two people: Feel a particularly strong liking for each other Accept change as a natural part of life