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the FOUR VIRTUES P r a i s e f o r To b i n H a r t ’ s “This luminous book reflects the highest state of realized humanity. To read it is to be guided forward into discovering the basis for our finest selves. Rarely has there been a book of such exquisite wisdom, such potent truth about the nature and practice of virtue. (I will send it to all my friends who are in political office!)” —Jean Houston, author of The Wizard of Us “We seem to be at a point in human history when mystical unitive understanding, which was once the esoteric experience of a few, is becoming present in a growing number of people. There is a new awakening to the potential of spiritual growth and the flowering of human society that it can bring. In this beautifully written book, Tobin Hart illuminates that path, skillfully applying his scholarship, experience, and insights to provide a vivid roadmap for the spiritual seeker.” —Peter Laurence, EdD, director of Education as Transformation Project at Wellesley College “A work of wide learning and deep reflection, The Four Virtues eloquently teaches what is most important to learn: the art of living a meaningful life.” —Pir Zia Inayat-Khan, PhD, spiritual leader of Sufi Order International and author of Aracen Chivalry 4Virt_interior_pgs_i–32.indd 1 11/21/13 11:38 AM “This is a gem of a book. Drawing on his own rich life experiences, neuroscience, and ancient wisdom traditions, Tobin Hart explores how we can cultivate capacities that allow us to be deeply connected to ourselves, to each other, and to the world. And he offers practical ways to continue to both assess and nurture these capacities in ourselves.” —Pamela Seigle, PhD, executive director of Courage & Renewal Northeast “In this remarkable book, Tobin Hart applies ancient wisdom to the information age. Not only has he given his readers a psycho- spiritual matrix for internal growth but has also provided a road-map for finding their way through an external world of increasing complexity. At the very least, The Four Virtues is a fascinating document; at the very most it will change the lives of many of those who read it and practice its exercises.” —Stanley Krippner, PhD, coauthor of Personal Mythology “With this book, Tobin Hart is doing something audacious: offering us a guide to our deepest, most meaningful life while, in his writing, embodying the virtues he identifies as key. For example, he writes beautifully about the Beautiful, offers truth about the True, is wise about Wisdom, and brings to the project a wide range of perspectives—from neuroscience to the world’s great prophets, interspersed with his own personal stories and sagacity. This is a book to be savored. I’ll be reading sections of it over and over.” —Richard Schwartz, PhD, president of the Center for Self Leadership and developer of the Internal Family Systems model of psychotherapy 4Virt_interior_pgs_i–32.indd 2 11/21/13 11:38 AM “Into this historic time of excessive change, fragmentation, speed, and deep spiritual hunger, Tobin Hart meets us and invites us to come through the thicket and stop—to see who we are and where we are now as a human species. He leads us on a simple footpath to a summit where he shares his vision of transformation out of a lifetime of experience as teacher and healer. Step by step, he then guides us into a clearing where he tells us stories that interweave insight and wisdom from sources Eastern and Western, psychologi- cal and spiritual, scientific and religious, ancient and modern, along with practical ways for tapping into the current of our own deepest inner natures where we may find a new way. This remarkable book is a treasured gift for teachers, therapists, counselors, and all those who wish to grow the soul.” —Carolyn Toben, author of Recovering a Sense of the Sacred 4Virt_interior_pgs_i–32.indd 3 11/21/13 11:38 AM 4Virt_interior_pgs_i–32.indd 4 11/21/13 11:38 AM the FOUR VIRTUES 4Virt_interior_pgs_i–32.indd 5 11/21/13 11:38 AM 4Virt_interior_pgs_i–32.indd 6 11/21/13 11:38 AM the FOUR VIRTUES P r e s e n c e H e a r t W i s d o m C r e a t i o n Tob in Har t , PhD ATR IA PA P E R B A C K New York London Toronto Sydney New Delhi Hillsboro, Oregon 4Virt_interior_pgs_i–32.indd 7 11/21/13 11:38 AM A Division of Simon & Schuster, Inc. 20827 N.W. Cornell Road, Suite 500 1230 Avenue of the Americas Hillsboro, Oregon 97124-9808 New York, NY 10020 503-531-8700 / 503-531-8773 fax www.beyondword.com Copyright © 2014 by Tobin Hart All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever without prior written permission. For information address Atria Books/ Beyond Words Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020. Managing editor: Lindsay S. Brown Editors: Sylvia Spratt, Emily Han Copyeditor: Henry Covey Proofreader: Jade Chan Design: Devon Smith Composition: William H. Brunson Typography Services First Atria Paperback/Beyond Words trade paperback edition February 2014 ATR IA PA P E R B A C K and colophon are trademarks of Simon & Schuster, Inc. Beyond Words Publishing is an imprint of Simon & Schuster, Inc., and the Beyond Words logo is a registered trademark of Beyond Words Publishing, Inc. For more information about special discounts for bulk purchases, please contact Simon & Schuster Special Sales at 1-866-506-1949 or
[email protected]. The Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau can bring authors to your live event. For more information or to book an event, contact the Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau at 1-866-248-3049 or visit our website at www.simonspeakers.com. Manufactured in the United States of America 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Date: Hart, Tobin. The four virtues : presence, heart, wisdom, creation / Tobin Hart, PhD. — First Atria paperback/Beyond Words trade paperback edition. pages cm Includes bibliographical references. 1. Spirituality. 2. Spiritual life. 3. Virtues. I. Title. BL624.H335 2014 179 .́9—dc23 2013032941 ISBN 978-1-58270-447-0 ISBN 978-1-4767-3460-6 (ebook) The corporate mission of Beyond Words Publishing, Inc.: Inspire to Integrity 4Virt_interior_pgs_i–32.indd 8 11/21/13 11:38 AM ix Preface xiii Introduction xxi Part I: Presence 1. The Beautiful 3 2. Sensing 15 3. Focusing 33 4. Witnessing 47 5. Opening 61 Part II: Heart 6. The Good 81 7. Compassion 93 8. Empathizing 109 9. Feeling 127 10. Connecting 145 Part III: Wisdom 11. The True 165 12. Possibility 177 13. Guidance 193 14. Clarifying 207 15. Discerning 225 Contents 4Virt_interior_pgs_i–32.indd 9 11/21/13 11:38 AM Part IV: Creation 16. Voice 245 17. Will and Willingness 255 18. Originality 273 19. Imagining 291 20. Calling 307 Last Words 325 Acknowledgments 329 Index: Quizzes and Practices 331 Notes 333 Contentsx 4Virt_interior_pgs_i–32.indd 10 11/21/13 11:38 AM For Maia and Haley 4Virt_interior_pgs_i–32.indd 11 11/21/13 11:38 AM 4Virt_interior_pgs_i–32.indd 12 11/21/13 11:38 AM xiii Finally, I had just finished college. It had taken me four schools, but it was now done. Having made it through all those years from kindergarten on, I was presumably ready for the world. After all, that’s what schooling is for: preparation for life. I thought, “I should know my way by now.” I had packed up my stuff and taken it to my retired father’s empty house, as he was spending the winter someplace warmer. The previous spring we had spread my mother’s ashes at the beach after her long bout with cancer. There I was, alone in this house, with no clue of what to do next. There was really no extraordinary tragedy I had suf- fered, no heroic act I could rest on. There was no military draft threatening to take me to a far-off land, and I was not really tied to anything, anyone, or anywhere. I had all the advantage and freedom that anyone should have. I had a fresh degree in hand, and yet I felt more lost than ever. I suppose the pain I felt was an PREFacE 4Virt_interior_pgs_i–32.indd 13 11/21/13 11:38 AM Prefacexiv amalgam of the grief, anxiety, and despair that seemed to have been building up inside me for as long as I could remember, and it had now materialized into a heavy boulder of a thing that felt like it was crushing me. One afternoon a strange impulse welled up in me, not to go on some great journey or enlist in some noble or at least risky campaign but the overwhelming urge to repot houseplants. I don’t think that I had ever watered a houseplant before, much less repotted them. Nevertheless, I found myself spontaneously doting over these green bits of life, carefully separating the small baby shoots from their parent plants into separate pots. With its tether cut and in its own pot, each shoot now had a new life. In the mornings, when the cold March air had warmed just enough, I would take them out for a stroll, placing them carefully in the sun on the front porch. Later in the day, as the sun and tempera- ture fell, I would be sure to drop whatever I was doing wherever I was and bring them back inside to safety. In the midst of my dark night, some green life called to me to nurture and be nurtured in this simple act. Something was mov- ing. But the pain was not moving away; in fact, it only seemed