I have a rough draft that needs some cleaning up. I've attached the rough draft with the teacher's notes, a peer review and a grading rubric (for your reference).
Grading Rubric Project 3: Final Draft Project 3 Final Draft Grading Rubric The Assignment Essay Mechanics Conceptual Thesis Development & Support Structuring Language (Grammar) A Has cogent analysis, shows command of interpretive and conceptual tasks required by assignment and course materials. Fully covers all elements of assignment: ideas original, often insightful, going beyond ideas revealed in class. Essay controlled by clear, precise, well- defined argumentative thesis; is sophisticated in both statement and insight. Well-chosen examples, persuasive reasoning used to consistently develop and support thesis; uses quotations and citations effectively (i.e.: in balance with own ideas); sophisticated connections between own ideas and those of others Appropriate, clear and smooth transitions; arrangement and balance of paragraphs seem particularly apt. Sophisticated sentences; observes conventions of written English and manuscript format; makes 1 or less errors (“X’s” in right margin). B Shows a good understanding of the assignment beyond the obvious; includes all components with nothing underdeveloped Clear, specific argumentative thesis central to essay & assignment with clear Claim + Reason, with reasons not in a series (three prong, etc.) Pursues thesis consistently; clearly develops a main argument with clear major points and appropriate evidence and support; makes effort to link rather than stack ideas, synthesizing more than one secondary source within most paragraphs of supporting points. Clearly written Topic Sentences that are persuasive supporting points for thesis; Distinct units of thought in paragraph units; clear transitions between developed coherently arranged paragraphs. Some mechanical difficulties or stylistic problems; may make 2-3 problematic word choice or awkward syntax error; 2- 3spelling or punctuation errors or a cliche; usually presents quotations effectively. Shows an understanding of the basic ideas and information involved in the assignment: may General central Claim or controlling position expressed in a single sentence. May not define Only partially develops the argument; shallow analysis; ideas are generalizations undeveloped or Some awkward transitions; some brief, weakly unified or undeveloped paragraphs; arrangement may not More frequent wordiness; 4 unclear or awkward sentences; imprecise use of words or over-reliance on C have one component underdeveloped several central terms. Reasons listed in series unsupported; makes limited use of textual evidence. No synthesis of secondary sources or only one secondary source used in paragraphs of supporting points appear entirely natural. Introduction/conclusion underdeveloped. passive voice; 4-5 major grammatical errors No Header with page #’s D does not respond directly to the demands of the assignment; more than one underdeveloped component, or one missing component Claim is vague; central terms not defined. Thesis statement not expressed as a single sentence on page one. Ethical or Emotional basis for thesis, not Argumentative. Frequently only narrates; essay is informational and not persuasive; digresses from one topic to another without developing ideas or terms; makes insufficient, awkward or overuse of textual evidence. Simplistic, discursive; tends to narrate or merely summarize sources; wanders from one topic to another; illogical arrangement of ideas. Over 5 major grammatical or proofreading; inattention to previous corrections. -document not formatted correctly in MLA Style (Margins not 1” on all sides, inaccurate first page identification, no headers, no spaces between paragraphs, etc.) F Writer has not understood assignment. More than two missing components; less than 8 pages long (with start of ) No discernible thesis; less than 8 pages long (with start of ) Little or no development; may list facts or misinformation; uses no quotations or fails to cite sources No transitions; incoherent paragraphing; suggests poor planning or no serious revision; less than 8 pages long (with start of 9 ) Too many grammatical errors and stylistic problems that seriously distract from argument. Project 3 Final Draft: Assignment Components Grade 1. Submitted Rough Draft on time to Instructor, and that rough draft was at least 5 pages. If you did not submit a Rough Draft for Instructor review, your final score on this paper will be reduced one full letter grade 5. Supplies sufficient backing for any warrants, assumptions, and defines vague terms 2. Uses at least 5 academic-level secondary sources of information, with all of these 6. Full consideration and refutation of Opposition thinking 9th 9th th scholarly sources available through UNLV Library academic databases. Non-academic sources, and sources from weekly Discussion Questions may only be used in addition to the source requirement above. 3. All quotes & citations in MLA Format, with all needed information included and properly punctuated. 7. research materials are synthesized in most paragraphs, and paragraphs represent supporting points for thesis (no topic sentences/paragraphs devoted to single sources) 4. Works Cited Page in MLA format and is not part of the page length. Either MLA 7 or MLA 8 is accepted, and must be used consistently. MLA 8 preferred 8. File is named correctly as required for this course with student last name & project #. example: Name_3.doc written in academic style (counts as two), i.e. no “I, we, me, our, you,” etc.. All personal observations or opinions need to be made into objective 3 person style (email instructor if you are confused about this or need suggestions on how to incorporate first hand experience in academic way) rd Name: Steve GallegosComment by Steve DeVito: x please review how to format this information in the identification header. Professor: Steve DeVito Course: ENG 102 Date: 11/14/2019 (DRAFT) Title: Dependency on Technology Comment by Steve DeVito: good rough title. please don’t bold font for MLA With the introduction of technology, the lives of human beings have been made easier. With the help of advanced technology in recent times, many tasks that were previously thought to be as impossible can be carried out now. In recent times, individuals are almost handicapped without the use of technology. An office employee becomes frustrated when his email is down as his work cannot progress without that and a student also faces difficulty when the internet is down as he is not able to search study material on the internet to write his assignment. But with the increasing time, individuals are becoming way too dependent on technology and they feel helpless without the use of it.Comment by Steve DeVito: what kind of title? pencils? please be more specificComment by Steve DeVito: try to expand this intro a bit moreComment by Steve DeVito: x please don’t start sentence with conjunctionComment by Steve DeVito: casual/colloquial phrasing hereComment by Steve DeVito: good claim overall. please develop into a Claim + Reason that might hint what should be done, what might happen if something doesn’t change, etc. Throughout the years, human beings have been innovating new technologies to make lives easier and solve the day to day issues. With the development of technology, communication has fostered as well. No one ever had the idea that technology could bridge the gap between individuals all across the globe due to the introduction of the internet as communication is just one click away. But the rapid development of technology is also associated with varied adverse effects. The younger section of society invests a lot of time in technological devices like mobile phones and laptops which restricts them from being socially and emotionally active. With the introduction of the varied social media sites, the youngsters are more interested in making virtual friends rather than going out and developing social relations. There has developed a possible dependence of the individuals on these technological tools. Individuals primarily see positive ideas and tend to ignore negative aspects and therefore have become dependent on technology. It may sound exaggerating, but it can be stated that if people do not use any one of the technological media, they would feel dissatisfied. Technological dependence, as per the views of Sheldon (2019), is plainly observed when we glance around and understand that we are encompassed by innovative advances going from cell phones, PCs, iPods, and TV. Comment by Steve DeVito: x please just left justify your margins for accurate MLA formatting. These are full justified.Comment by Steve DeVito: since what years? dig in a bit more into this background with specific stats, dates, etc.Comment by Steve DeVito: APA format, not MLA. please review They have become some portion of our normal lives causing us a specific reliance. Technological advancement has developed at an extensive speed and the outcomes on society, nations, and people are colossal. But on the other hand, there is a certain portion of the demographics who are not technologically dependent. Primarily the older section of the society who are not used to the sophisticated nature of technology. As in the previous times, technology was not that developed. The section of the society that belongs to the pre-technology age are not accustomed to the new technology and prefer to do things manually. For example, certain individuals would prefer to go to the market and buy groceries, whereas technologically dependent individuals would do that activity through the varied apps installed on their mobile phones.Comment by Steve DeVito: x vagueComment by Steve DeVito: how big are these colossal people? please rework syntaxComment by Steve DeVito: xComment by Steve DeVito: give a statistic from research. by now research should be in every paragraph Advanced technology has impacted the business processes of business organizations. With the help of the digital and social platforms, the companies provide advertisements to grab the attention of the consumers and promote the goods and services. With the help of technology, customers can identify the products that would best suit their needs and preferences. With the help of the chat system, emails, etc. the business processes are well understood by the employees. There is transparent communication between the employees and the productivity and efficiency level accelerates. As opined by Cascio (2016), with the help of technology work hours have become flexible as the employees can conduct meetings sitting in their homes with the help of video conferencing. Up close and personal meetings have frequently offered an approach to video meetings, sorting rooms to email inboxes, and typewriters and carbon paper to word processors. Innovation has likewise permitted a considerable bit of work—and the workforce—to move past the limits of a conventional office. Employees have become dependent on technology as they have to constantly check their work emails. So, they invest a lot of time on their mobile phones. Another example of technological dependence is that the electronics organization named Apple launches a new I-phone every year with upgraded specifications and people eagerly wait for the launch of the technological device. But this dependence can adversely