Continuation Of Orders: 48961,49249, and 49291
Before you begin the final draft please be sure to read all remarks I have included in the files I have attached from students, tutors, and instructor....
Instructions
Final Draft of Persuasive Essay
Your persuasive essay should be at least 1000 words. There is no maximum word count. It should include a revised introduction and thesis from your
Week 4 Discussion, a revised and expanded version of the body paragraphs you wrote for the
Week 4 Project, and finally a revised version of the conclusion you submitted to the
Week 5 Discussion. Reflect on the feedback your instructor shared with you on the
Week 4 Discussion,
Week 4 Project, and
Week 5 Discussion
and revise accordingly. Edit for APA-style formatting, and proofread carefully for spelling, grammar, and mechanics. Make sure to also consider the suggestions you received from the Smarthinking tutor if you submitted the
Week 4 Project
to them.
The essay should include a title page and references page and have proper headers, font, and spacing. All outside sources should be cited inside the essay and documented in an APA-formatted references page.
Introduction to the Persuasive Essay Remarks Hello Jeffery, I like how you set the scene in your introduction, letting us see what into the heart of an addict. For this assignment, you want to only include your introductory paragraph. Let's buckle down and include all the information we need to in this paragraph. This paragraph is really the foundation of the whole essay. It will help you to write all the other paragraphs. So, you have to make sure that your introduction has a few sentences that introduces your topic. Example, you could include a question about your topic or an interesting fact or statistic. The sentences you now have would lead beautifully into thesis about drug addiction. This thesis should be one declarative statement letting the audience know what you are going to be trying to convince us is true about addiction and three major supporting details you will use to convince us of this point of view. Example: the drug problem is the result of human neglect, greed and violence. Then you will be ready to craft the three body paragraphs you will submit later this week to the week 4 project link. I hope this helps. I look forward to your revision. Hello Jeffery, Drug abuse and addiction hits home for me, as many of my friends have overdosed from drug usage. In your introduction, I would suggest developing a statement that tells us what you are trying to convince. You mention that the deaths should stop and that the government and public should help, but why? How could the public and government's help benefit the community? Major supporting details to support this question could be that the government could bring in facilities that can regulate the use for addicts. This could help to get addicts off of the drugs, slowly, so that they do not risk overdosing. This would benefit the community because it could make individuals more productive to work while getting off of the drugs. This would mean less homeless people. Arguing and Supporting with Evidence Remarks Hello Jeffery, I took a lot of interest in your paper. I would recommend opening your paper with an introduction that gives a scenario or makes us, as your readers, answer a question that will allow us to bring attention to the matter. Your paragraphs are well developed. However, I believe you should take the evidence, provided in your introduction, and incorporate that into your supporting paragraphs. I think this will bring great structure to your paper! I believe that Jeffrey should incorporate the below statement into his supporting paragraph regarding the opioid related deaths. "The recorded death rate was 39.2 deaths per 100,000 persons while it was 14.6 deaths per 100,000 persons within rest of the country (NIDA, 2019)." I believe that Jeffrey could develop a thesis using, 1. "Drug disposal by communities can help to decrease the supply of narcotics." 2. "Naloxone has been observed as a lifesaving drug for opioid abusers and its greater access can decrease the number of opioid related deaths" 3. "the application and distribution of this drug faces challenges because this drug is expensive and there is requirement of workshops to train the individuals for drug delivery." These three topic paragraphs can assist Jeffrey in developing a thesis that states why the government and communities need to make an effort to fix the heroin deaths. Great suggestions, Robin. But why should he take them? Add some explanation to your suggestions. " I believe that Jeffrey should incorporate the below statement into his supporting paragraph regarding the opioid related deaths. "The recorded death rate was 39.2 deaths per 100,000 persons while it was 14.6 deaths per 100,000 persons within rest of the country (NIDA, 2019)." This statement would help to provide the evidence needed to convince the opposing party about the facts of opioid related deaths. Conclusion Feedback Hello Jeffery, Your conclusion is great, in my opinion. You relay your three argumentative points and offer additional facts for us, as your readers. I truly believe that we, as a community and country together, should bring more attention to the heroin crisis. I completely agree with you. This crisis is a tough one and hurts many families all over the country. I believe that you should narrow your conclusions down to the three key points of your argument. I think you could benefit from focusing more on the key points and include an additional fact or two. Running Head: HEROIN OVERDOSES AND DEATHS IN OHIO1 HEROIN OVERDOSES AND DEATHS IN OHIO7 Smarthinking Tutor Response Form Your tutor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your tutor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] within your essay. Thank you for choosing Smarthinking to help you improve your writing! Hello, Jeffery! I’m Lauren W. and I look forward to working with you on this Essay Center Review to improve your writing today. Let's get started! *Writing Strength: One thing that stands out is that you write in complete sentences throughout your entire document. While this may seem rudimentary, it helps readers understand the points you are making clearly. *Jeffery 11710658, you requested help with Main Idea/Thesis: You might consider adding more details to your thesis. Let’s look at what you have so far: Particularly in the state of Ohio, opioid overdose abuse and deaths have been on an alarming rise. This is a good start, but it doesn’t share what’s unique about your essay. What else do you discuss in the body paragraphs? For instance, do you mention causes, effects, or treatments at all? Specifically, your first body paragraph talks about drug disposal companies decreasing the supply of narcotics. You might consider adding a statement that informs readers about the points you will make throughout the essay. What is the overall message you want to send about the opioid issues in Ohio? *Jeffery 11710658, you requested help with Introduction/Conclusion: Your introduction is a good start; however, it only has three sentences. Usually, academic paragraphs have at least five sentences in each. So, you might consider adding some more details to the introduction. In an introduction, you can give readers some background and context for your writing. Why is the opioid crisis such a problem in Ohio? Is there a particular reason why your essay focuses on Ohio? These are some questions you might answer in your introduction. You might also consider adding a statistic to show readers the impact of the opioid crisis in Ohio. A statistic could help draw the reader into your topic. Content Development I noticed some places where you don’t develop ideas into full paragraphs. For instance, your second paragraph about why the issue interests you is only two sentences, which are not enough to stand alone as an academic paragraph. Typically, an academic paragraph begins with a topic sentence that states the overall main idea of the paragraph. Then, the topic sentence is usually followed by at least three sentences containing supporting details. The final sentence concludes and transitions to the next point. Going back to your example, what else can you add about the experience you are describing? Developing ideas into full paragraphs can help the reader understand the points you’re making more clearly. Summary of Next Steps: · Add more details to your thesis. · Add more details to the introduction. · Develop ideas into full paragraphs. Thank you for submitting your essay for a review, Jeffery. I enjoyed helping you with this step in the revision process. Have a good day! -Lauren W. You can find more information about writing, grammar, and usage in the Smarthinking Writer's Handbook. _________________________________________________________________________________ Please look for comments [in bold and in brackets] in your essay below. Thank you for submitting your work to Smarthinking! We hope to see you again soon. Heroin and Deaths in Ohio Jeffery Wagner ENG 1100 Composition 1 SU02 South University PERSUASIVE ESSAY HEROIN OVERDOSES AND DEATHS IN OHIO Table of Contents Introduction3 Arguing and Supporting with Evidence4 Conclusion6 References7 Introduction One of the mounting issues, not only in Ohio but also within the whole of the US is the exponential increase in drug abuse and addiction. Drug abuse has not only destroyed families structurally and financially, it has also led untimely to deaths that could have been avoided. Particularly in the state of Ohio, opioid overdose abuse and deaths have been on an alarming rise. Barlas (2017) mentioned that Ohio was the state with the second-highest rate of drug overdose deaths related to Opioids. [Instead of opening with evidence, consider using a topic sentence to introduce the main idea of the paragraph. What is the main point that Barlas’ evidence supports?] The recorded death rate was 39.2 deaths per 100,000 persons while it was 14.6 deaths per 100,000 persons within rest of the country (NIDA, 2019). Deaths have been noted due to both prescription drugs and intentional drug abuse through the use of heroin. While the entire population is at risk for addiction, high-risk groups involve both males and females of middle age (Massatti, Beeghly, Hall, Kariisa & Potts, 2014). Due to the fact that a large part of Ohio’s population is prone to overdose and substance abuse risk, this issue emerges as a major priority above all. While the government has invested in grants and control measures with respect to opioid addiction and opioid availability, no significant reduction in deaths has been noted. Instead, Barlas (2017) suggested that within first four months of 2017, 96 deaths were recorded due to opioid overdose in Ohio. The issue significantly interested me because the level of abuse and deaths are not only high; the rate of addiction is also increasing every year. ‘Heroin addiction is becoming a major cause of preventable death in Ohio therefore, a collaborative effort between the government, state-wide and community leaders will be required’. Arguing and Supporting with Evidence Drug disposal by communities can help to decrease the supply of narcotics. It has been noted from the above presented data that prescription drugs as well as intentional heroin use are the two major sources identified and responsible for drug abuse. Therefore, drug disposal can be a very effective technique in order to decrease the supply of narcotics as well as decrease the likelihood of drug diversion and drug abuse. This is majorly because of the fact that, if communities dispose of unwanted medication by collecting them and then following legal and environmentally safe methods, it will help to reduce the illegal and non-prescribed drug supply. Further, Ohio Department of Health (ODH) have prepared strategies and guidelines in order to help the communities in this through organizing drug disposal days (Penm et al., 2017). These guidelines would be helpful for the communities in event preparation, data analysis, drug collection as well as many other activities. Moreover, ODH has also worked with