According to Ellis, we inherit a tendency to raise cultural preferences into musts and cultural norms into shoulds. Individually, we then create our own musturbatory belief systems consisting of...

According to Ellis, we inherit a tendency to raise cultural preferences into musts and cultural norms into shoulds. Individually, we then create our own musturbatory belief systems consisting of absolute musts—things that we consider non-negotiable, that “absolutely must” happen. For example, a man feels that he must not be made fun of or embarrassed, instead of thinking that he would prefer not to be. In instances in which he is embarrassed, his emotional disturbance is elevated, not necessarily because of the instance itself but because of his absolute belief about embarrassment. Do you have personal absolute musts? Do you have musts about fairness, about going particular places, about being treated in a certain way, or about doing certain things? Sometimes it’s difficult to think of musts on your own, so it may be helpful to enlist the insight of close friends and family. Ultimately, being aware of, and being able to contradict, your absolute musts will help you to quell the disturbance-related tendencies of those musts.